- Todd
The Top *16* Ways That Comet Hitting Jupiter Will Affect Life On Earth
16> Pentagon requests renewed nuclear arms buildup to keep up
with cometary gigatonnage.
15> Cosmic interference hampers the usually reliable Psychic
Hotline.
14> Gnarly waves, dude!
13> Public pressure forces Congress to fund Hubble Space
Catcher's Mitt as a precaution.
12> Madonna starts hanging out with Carl Sagan.
11> While everyone is looking up, OJ Simpson tiptoes out
of the country.
10> Well, you certainly won't be able to sit down for a while!
(Oops! That's how a comet hitting *Uranus* will affect life!)
9> Elroy Jetson starts popping up on the "Have You Seen Me"
milk cartons.
8> Astronomer-Hooligans go wilding through Central Park.
7> Time magazine reconsiders naming earth, "Planet of the Year."
6> Astronomers start livin' like rock stars and gettin' all
the babes (and studs).
5> If Jupiter is in your astrological house, better stock
up on the Stridex and Oxy-5!
4> Newark improves its status from 3rd worst place in the
universe to 4th.
3> Schoolkids nationwide begin flinging "comet peas" at the
lunchlady.
2> Exports to Jupiter of "**** HAPPENS" bumper stickers
skyrocket!
and the #1 Way That Comet Hitting Jupiter Will Affect Life On Earth...
1> At the moment of impact, radio signals from Alpha Centauri
received, saying: "Goooooooooooooooooooooooooal!!!!!!"