Forwarded message: >From vanhoose Sun Oct 10 13:17:02 1993 Date: Sun, 10 Oct 93 13:17:00 -0400 From: Todd E. Van Hoosear <vanhoose> To: todd Subject: Silliness from the Net X-Status:Date: Fri, 19 Feb 93 14:16:26 -0500 From: Todd E. Van Hoosear <todd> To: &graphlab Subject: Silliness from the net
Begin forwarded message:
Date: Wed, 10 Feb 93 19:07:04 -0500 From: Usenet Oracle <oracle-vote@cs.indiana.edu> Subject: Usenet Oracularity #531-05
Selected-By: John.McCartney@EBay.Sun.COM ( The Lion of Symmetry )
The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:
> Dear Oracle, who knows more about computers than he probably should, > but is a good guy regardless: > > Should my spouse's company stick with the botched-up and antique > version of SCO-Unix on a single 386 (and "save money") or should they > toss all that out on its ear and get a bunch of PCs running MS-DOS and > WINDOWS, hitched together with Novell, and maybe save time and sanity? > > Or use dynamite?
And in response, thus spake the Oracle:
} >> Dear Oracle, who knows more about computers than he probably should, } >> but is a good guy regardless: } } You should know better than to ask the Oracle's wisdom in the field } in which you have just insulted him; bad form, old chap............ } } Nonetheless, on to the task at hand, eh? } } >> Should my spouse's company stick with the botched-up and antique } >> version of SCO-Unix on a single 386 (and "save money") or should } >> they toss all that out on its ear and get a bunch of PCs running } >> MS-DOS and WINDOWS, hitched together with Novell, and maybe save } >> time and sanity? } } I've actually conducted a few experiments in this area, using American } university students and faculty as both test and control groups. The } bureaucrats involved only *thought* they had original ideas; it's great } to whisper things in their ear, just like when I whispered "Quayle" } into George's......oops, never mind. } } I made some universities Unix-only, others used Novellized PCs, some } were VMS-centric, and a very few were "Big Blued". After one year of } controlled exposure, I joined the groups under the guise of a "User's } Conference". It was rather interesting........ } } The Unix-centered folks were walking around, dropping shell scripts } right and left and mumbling strange incantations like "foo-bang-bar- } percent-bazz-at-uunet", which made them the Witch Doctors In Residence. } The VMS users insisted on shouting as loudly as possible and placing } slashes after everything; attempts to SPAWN/NOLOG/NOWAIT were common, } especially in the hospitality suites. In an interesting twist, those } in the thrall of IBM also spoke in slashes and capitals, but theirs } were *prepended* to their words, as in "//GO.SYSIN DD DINNER?" and } "//* YOU'RE CUTE!". From a linguistic viewpoint, it was fascinating. } The IBMers kept talking about PUNCHing files, which (of course) offen- } ded the Unix folks (since *everything* in Unix is a file), and the } VMS folks kept trying to append slashes and periods to everyone else's } comments. Of course, they brought their pets; Rexx bit Bash, and } LOGIN.COMs were licking their lexicals in front of everyone. A good } time was had by all........ } } Except for the Novell/Windows folks. It took me some time to locate } them; they had segregated (cloistered?) themselves in a few rooms off } to the side. All that could be heard was quiet cutting and pasting; } conversation was limited to "which button closes the window?" and "boy, } it sounds like they're having a good time in there; is there more } coffee?" Windows were opened and closed, but every mind was vacant. It } was scary; the only signs of excess were the occasional game of Tetris } or Minesweeper and the exchange of easter eggs hidden in the various } mouse-driven programs. There was a tombstone hanging over them (by a } thread) reading } } "DOS: RIP <any day now>" } } They toiled listlessly in its shadow. } } In conclusion, you have two choices: } } If you want anaesthetized workers, silently drudging their } work to the printers without a shred of originality, then } Novell/Windows/DOS is your obvious choice. If you want } the chance to make all these decisions again within just } a few years, go look for the Big Red Box. } } If, on the other hand, you want vibrant, excited workers } who aren't leery of entering the chaotic fray that is } modern computing, pick one of the others. Which one? } The Oracle doesn't *do* product endorsements. } } >> Or use dynamite? } } Well, a fresh start is often the best thing. If you want job security, } wipe out everything they have and introduce products with which only } your spouse (or you, if you're looking for work) are familiar. This is } the oldest job-security trick in the information systems world; it } explains most of the seemingly-mindless decisions made in Corporate } America. } } You owe the Oracle a way to close this User Conference without } bloodshed; oh my gosh, they're talking about editors } now..........ARRRRRRRRRRRRGH!
------------------------------