Forwarded message: >From vanhoose Sat Oct 16 19:06:41 1993 Date: Sat, 16 Oct 93 19:06:40 -0400 From: Todd E. Van Hoosear <vanhoose> To: todd Subject: Canonical List of Old * Never Die, They Just...Date: Sun, 6 Jun 93 21:52:40 -0400 From: Todd E. Van Hoosear <todd> To: todd Subject: (fwd) Canonical List of Old * Never Die, they just ... Newsgroups: rec.humor X-Status:
Path: msuinfo!uwm.edu!cs.utexas.edu!utnut!utgpu!attcan!ncrcan!two700!tnelson From: Tim.Nelson@Canada.NCR.CA Newsgroups: rec.humor Subject: Canonical List of Old * Never Die, they just ... Message-ID: <C800Bz.1A2@ncrcan.canada.ncr.ca> Date: 2 Jun 93 14:31:11 GMT Sender: news@ncrcan.canada.ncr.ca (News Admin) Reply-To: Tim.Nelson@Canada.NCR.CA Organization: top down of course Lines: 181 Originator: tnelson@two700
Canonical Lists of Old * Never Die, they just ... ================================================= 12 Jan 1993 - interim posting 02 Feb 1993 - initial list 02 Mar 1993 - lots of additions 06 Apr 1993 - a few additions
Mini Table of Contents 1) Introduction 2) PS 3) THE LIST
------------------------------------------------------------------------- INTRODUCTION ------------
We all know that no one really dies, they just have something happen to them in a rather final manner.
To find out what will happen to you in a few years, read on.
Thanks to Mark Israel for starting this list, and especially for those of you who continue to add to it.
And, please don't complain that some are really stupid. I know they are.
This list is posted the first Tuesday of each month into rec.humor.
------------------------------------------------------------------------- PS
--PS. If you have any more jokes to add to this list, please send them to me.
------------------------------------------------------------------------- THE LIST --------
Old * Never Die, They Just ....
OLD ACADEMICS never die, they just loose their faculties OLD ACCOUNTANTS never die, they just lose their balance OLD ACTORS never die, they just drop a part OLD ANTHROPOLOGISTS never die, they just become history OLD ARCHERS never die, they just bow and quiver OLD ARCHITECTS never die, they just lose their structures OLD ATOMS never die, they just decay OLD BANKERS never die, they just lose interest OLD BANKERS never die, they just want to be a loan OLD BASEBALL PLAYERS never die, they just go batty OLD BASKETBALL players never die, they just go on dribbling OLD BEEKEEPERS never die, they just buzz off OLD BLONDES never fade, they just dye away OLD BOOKKEEPERS never die, they just lose their figures OLD BOWLERS never die, they just end up in the gutter OLD BUREAUCRATS never die, they just waste away OLD BURGLARS never die, they just steal away OLD CASHIERS never die, they just check out OLD CHAUFFEURS never die, they just lose their drive OLD CHEMISTS never die, they just do it inorganically OLD CHEMISTS never die, they just fail to react OLD CHEMISTS never die, they just lose their refluxes OLD CLEANING PEOPLE never die, they just kick the bucket OLD COMPOSERS never die, they just decompose OLD COMPUTER PROGRAMMERS never die, they just byte the dust OLD COURIERS never die, they just keep on EXPRESSing it! (c)opyright 1986 AIR COURIERS INTERNATIONAL Vancouver, BC OLD COMPUTER PEOPLE never die, they just lose their memory OLD COOKS never die, they just get deranged OLD CREDIT CARDS never die, they just expire OLD DAREDEVILS never die, they just get discouraged OLD DEANS never die, they just lose their faculties OLD DIVERS never die, they just flop OLD DIVERS never die, they just get board OLD DIVERS never die, they just lose their spring OLD DOCTORS never die, they just lose their patience OLD ELECTRICAL ENGINEERS never die, they just have slower rise times OLD ELECTRICIANS never die, they just lose contact OLD ENGINEERS never die, they just lose their bearings OLD ESKIMOES never die, they just get cold feet OLD ESKIMOES never die, they just go cold OLD FARMERS never die, they just go to seed OLD FARMERS never die, they just spade away OLD FISHERMEN never die, they just get reel tired OLD FISHERMEN never die, they just smell that way OLD FORESTERS never die, they just pine away OLD FRIDGE REPAIRMEN never die, they just blow their cool OLD FROGS never die, they just croak OLD FRUIT never die, it just pear-ishes OLD GARAGEMEN never die, they just retire OLD GEOLOGISTS never die, they just recrystalize OLD GOLFERS never die, they just lose their balls OLD GRAPHIC ARTISTS never die, they just de-rez OLD HARDWARE ENGINEERS never die, they just cache in their chips OLD HIKERS never die, they just trail away OLD HIPPIES never die, they just smell that way OLD HUNTERS never die, they just stay LOADED OLD HYPOCHONDRIACS never die, they just lose their grippe OLD INVESTORS never die, they just roll over OLD JOURNALISTS never die, they just get de-pressed OLD KEY PUNCH OPERATORS never die, they just punch out OLD KIDS never die, they just adulterate OLD KNIGHTS IN CHAIN MAIL never die, they just shuffle off their metal coils OLD LASER PHYSICISTS never die, they just become incoherent OLD LAWYERS never die, they just lose their appeal OLD LAWYERS never die, they just lose their briefs OLD LIMBO DANCERS never die, they just go under OLD LINGUISTS never die, they just rearrange their deep structures OLD MAGICIANS never die, they just disappear OLD MAGICIANS never die, they just float away OLD MAGICIANS never die, they just make a big production of it OLD MAGICIANS never die, they just they just change color OLD MAGICIANS never die, they just they're just fooling themselves OLD MAIDS count on fingers, but young girls count on legs OLD MATHEMATICIANS never die, they just disintegrate OLD MILKMAIDS never die, they just lose their whey OLD MUSICIANS never die, they just decompose OLD MUSICIANS never die, they just get played out OLD MUSICIANS never die, they just go from bar to bar OLD NUMERICAL ANALYSTS never die, they just get disarrayed OLD OWLS never die, they just don't give a hoot OLD PACIFISTS never die, they just go to peaces OLD PHOTOGRAPHERS never die, they just stop developing OLD PHOTOGRAPHERS never die, they get sent to the old focus home OLD PILOTS never die, they just buzz off OLD PILOTS never die, they just go to a higher plane OLD PLUMBERS never die, they just go down the drain OLD POLICEMEN never die, they just cop out OLD POSTAL CARRIERS never die, they just lose their zip OLD PRINTERS never die, they're just not the type OLD PROGRAMMERS never die, they just byte it OLD PROGRAMMERS never die, they just decompile OLD PROGRAMMERS never die, they just get bugged with life OLD PROGRAMMERS never die, they just go to bits OLD PROGRAMMERS never die, they just loose their memory OLD PROGRAMMERS never die, they just move to new addresses OLD PROGRAMMING WIZARDS never die, they just recurse OLD PUNTERS never die, they just go horse OLD RAILROADERS never die, they just derail OLD QUARTERBACKS never die, they just fade back and pass away OLD SAILORS never die, they just get a little "DINGHY" OLD SAILORS never die, they just lose their porpoise OLD SCHOOLS never die, they just lose their principals OLD SCOTS never die, but they can be kilt OLD SCULPTORS never die, they just lose their marbles OLD SEERS never die, they just lose their vision OLD SEWAGE WORKERS never die, they just waste away OLD SHEETROCKERS (dry wallers) never die, they just hang around OLD SHOES MAKERS never die, they just lose their sole OLD SOCCER PLAYERS never die, they just lose their kick OLD SOLDIERS never die, they just fade away OLD SPELUNKERS never die, they just cave in OLD STEELMAKERS never die, they just lose their temper OLD STUDENTS never die, they just get degraded OLD SWIMMERS never die, they just fall off their blocks OLD SWIMMERS never die, they just have a stroke OLD SWIMMERS never die, they just kick-off OLD SYSTEM USERS never die, they just chdir to NULL OLD TANNERS never die, they just go into hiding OLD TEACHERS never die, they just lose their class OLD THERMODYNAMICISTS never die, they just achieve their state of maximum entropy OLD TRIGONOMETRY TEACHERS never die, they just lose their identities OLD TRUCK DRIVERS never die; they just get a new Peterbilt OLD USENETTERS never die, they just become unresponsive OLD WATCHMAKERS never die, they just run out of time OLD WATCHMAKERS never die, they just wind down OLD WATCHMAKERS never die, they just unwind OLD WEATHERMEN never die, they reign forever OLD WHITE WATER RAFTERS never die, they just get disgorged OLD WRESTLERS never die, they just lose their grip OLD YACHTSMEN never die, they just keel over WALT DISNEY didn't die, he's in suspended animation
There is no conclusive evidence about what happens to old skeptics, but their future is doubtful -------------------------------------------------------------------------
-- Tim.Nelson@Canada.NCR.CA NCR Canada +1 416 819 4112
----XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx........................ Todd E. Van Hoosear todd@cl-next4.cl.msu.edu "You only live once, so live under as many false names as possible." ---Dana McManus ..........................xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX