----------( Forwarded letter 1 follows )----------------------------------------
Date: Wednesday, 30 March 1994 12:36pm ET
To: Chris_J.Holdorph,
Chris_C.Penney,
Marilyn.Molenda,
Todd.VanHoosear,
Shelly_A.Mallett,
John.Jansen,
Richard.Hibner,
Scott.Penney,
Dan.Dunham
From: Derek.Middleton
Subject: 50 Ways to annoy people in a computer lab
Thought everyone might enjoy this since it's somewhat appropriate..
------------( Forwarded letter 2 follows )--------------------------------------
Received: by TAOMLR3@MSU ; Wed, 30 Mar 94 11:53:21
Received: from MSU by MSU.BITNET (Mailer R2.08 PTF008) with BSMTP id 1880; Wed,
30 Mar 94 11:53:19 EST
Received: from arctic.cps.msu.edu by msu.edu (IBM VM SMTP V2R2) with TCP;
Wed, 30 Mar 94 11:53:19 EST
Received: by arctic.cps.msu.edu (5.0/SMI-SVR4)
id AA21897; Wed, 30 Mar 1994 11:53:17 +0500
From: middleto@cps.msu.edu (Derek J. Middleton)
Message-Id: <9403301653.AA21897@arctic.cps.msu.edu>
Subject: Hey there (fwd)
To: 13501djm@ibm.msu.edu
Date: Wed, 30 Mar 1994 11:53:16 -0500 (EST)
X-Mailer: ELM [version 2.4 PL22]
Content-Type: text
Content-Length: 8463
Forwarded message:
>From snapkeaa@student.msu.edu Wed Mar 30 10:47 EST 1994
From: Aaron Snapke <snapkeaa@student.msu.edu>
Message-Id: <9403301547.AA85659@student3.cl.msu.edu>
Subject: Hey there (fwd)
To: middleto@student.msu.edu (Derek Middleton)
Date: Wed, 30 Mar 1994 10:47:43 -0500 (EST)
X-Mailer: ELM [version 2.4 PL22]
Content-Type: text
Content-Length: 7882
>
> Subject: 50 Ways to Scare People In the Computer Room
>
> 1. Log on, wait a sec, then get a frightened look on your face and
> scream "Oh my God! They've found me!" and bolt.
>
> 2. Laugh uncontrollably for about 3 minutes & then suddenly stop
> and look suspiciously at everyone who looks at you.
>
> 3. When your computer is turned off, complain to the monitor on
> duty that you can't get the damn thing to work. After he/she's
> turned it on, wait 5 minutes,turn it off again, & repeat the
> process for a good half hour.
>
> 4. Type frantically, often stopping to look at the person next to
> you evilly.
>
> 5. Before anyone else is in the lab, connect each computer to
> different screen than the one it's set up with.
>
> 6. Write a program that plays the "Smurfs" theme song and play it
> at the highest volume possible over & over again.
>
> 7. Work normally for a while. Suddenly look amazingly startled by
> something on the screen and crawl underneath the desk.
>
> 8. Ask the person next to you if they know how to tap into
> top-secret Pentagon files.
>
> 9. Use Interactive Send to make passes at people you don't know.
>
> 10. Make a small ritual sacrifice to the computer before you turn
> it on.
>
> 11. Bring a chainsaw, but don't use it. If anyone asks why you
> have it, say "Just in case..." mysteriously.
>
> 12. Type on VAX for a while. Suddenly start cursing for 3 minutes
> at everything bad about your life. Then stop and continue
> typing.
>
> 13. Enter the lab, undress, and start staring at other people as
> if they're crazy while typing.
>
> 14. Light candles in a pentagram around your terminal before
> starting.
>
> 15. Ask around for a spare disk. Offer $2. Keep asking until
> someone agrees. Then, pull a disk out of your fly and say,
> "Oops, I forgot."
>
> 16. Every time you press Return and there is processing time
> required, pray "Ohpleaseohpleaseohpleaseohplease," and scream
> "YES!" when it finishes.
>
> 17. "DISK FIGHT!!!"
>
> 18. Start making out with the person at the terminal next to you
> (It helps if you know them, but this is also a great way to
> make new friends).
>
> 19. Put a straw in your mouth and put your hands in your pockets.
> Type by hitting the keys with the straw.
>
> 20. If you're sitting in a swivel chair, spin around singing "The
> Lion Sleeps Tonight" whenever there is processing time
> required.
>
> 21. Draw a pictue of a woman (or man) on a piece of paper, tape it
> to your monitor. Try to seduce it. Act like it hates you and
> then complain loudly that women (men) are worthless.
>
> 22. Try to stick a Ninetendo cartridge into the 3 1/2 disc drive,
> when it doesn't work, get the supervisor.
>
> 23. When you are on an IBM, and when you turn it on, ask loudly
> where the smiling Apple face is when you turn on one of those.
>
> 24. Print out the complete works of Shakespeare, then when its all
> done (two days later) say that all you wanted was one line.
>
> 25. Sit and stare at the screen, biting your nails noisely. After
> doing this for a while, spit them out at the feet of the
> person next to you.
>
> 26. Stare at the screen, grind your teeth, stop, look at the
> person next to grinding. Repeat procedure, making sure you
> never provoke the person enough to let them blow up, as this
> releases tension, and it is far more effective to let them
> linger.
>
> 27. If you have long hair, take a typing break, look for split
> ends, cut them and deposit them on your neighbor's keyboard as
> you leave.
>
> 28. Put a large, gold-framed portrait of the British Royal Family
> on your desk and loudly proclaim that it inspires you.
>
> 29. Come to the lab wearing several layers of socks. Remove shoes
> and place them of top of the monitor. Remove socks layer by
> layer and drape them around the monitor. Exclaim sudden haiku
> about the aesthetic beauty of cotton on plastic.
>
> 30. Take the keyboard and sit under the computer. Type up your
> paper like this. Then go to the lab supervisor and complain
> about the bad working conditions.
>
> 31. Laugh hysterically, shout "You will all perish in flames!!!"
> and continue working.
>
> 32. Bring some dry ice & make it look like your computer is
> smoking.
>
> 33. Assign a musical note to every key (ie. the Delete key is A
> Flat, the B key is F sharp, etc.). Whenever you hit a key, hum
> its note loudly. Write an entire paper this way.
>
> 34. Attempt to eat your computer's mouse.
>
> 35. Borrow someone else's keyboard by reaching over, saying "Excuse
> me, mind if I borrow this for a sec?", unplugging the keyboard
> & taking it.
>
> 36. Bring in a bunch of magnets and have fun.
>
> 37. When doing calculations, pull out an abacus and say that
> sometimes the old ways are best.
>
> 38. Play Pong for hours on the most powerful computer in the lab.
>
> 39. Make a loud noise of hitting the same key over and over again
> until you see that your neighbor is noticing (You can hit the
> space bar so your fill isn't affected). Then look at your
> neighbor's keyboard. Hit his/her delete key several times,
> erasing an entire word. While you do this, ask: "Does *your*
> delete key work?" Shake your head, and resume hitting the
> space bar on your keyboard. Keep doing this until you've
> deleted about a page of your neighbor's document. Then,
> suddenly exclaim: "Well, whaddya know? I've been hitting the
> space bar this whole time. No wonder it wasn't deleting! Ha!"
> Print out your document and leave.
>
> 40. Remove your disk from the drive and hide it. Go to the lab
> monitor and complain that your computer ate your disk. (For
> special effects, put some Elmer's Glue on or around the disk
> drive. Claim that the computer is drooling.)
>
> 41. Stare at the person's next to your's screen, look really
> puzzled, burst out laughing, and say "You did that?" loudly.
> Keep laughing, grab your stuff and leave, howling as you go.
>
> 42. Point at the screen. Chant in a made up language while making
> elaborate hand gestures for a minute or two. Press return or
> the mouse, then leap back and yell "COVEEEEERRRRRR!" peek up
> from under the table, walk back to the computer and say. "Oh,
> good. It worked this time," and calmly start to type again.
>
> 43. Keep looking at invisible bugs and trying to swat them.
>
> 44. See who's online. Send a total stranger a talk request. Talk
> to them like you've known them all your lives. Hangup before
> they geta chance to figure out you're a total stranger.
>
> 45. Bring an small tape player with a tape of really absurd sound
> effects. Pretend it's the computer and look really lost.
>
> 46. Pull out a pencil. Start writing on the screen. Complain that
> the lead doesn't work.
>
> 47. Come into the computer lab wearing several endangered species
> of flowers in your hair. Smile incessantly. Type a sentence,
> then laugh happily, exclaim "You're such a marvel!!", and kiss
> the screen. Repeat this after every sentence. As your ecstasy
> mounts, also hug the keyboard. Finally, hug your neighbor, then
> the computer assistant, and walk out.
>
> 48. Run into the computer lab, shout "Armageddon is here!!!!!",
> then calmly sit down and begin to type.
>
> 49. Quietly walk into the computer lab with a Black and Decker
> chainsaw, rev that baby up, and then walk up to the nearest
> person and say "Give me that computer or you'll be feeding my
> pet crocodile for the next week".
>
> 50. Two words: Tesla Coil.
>
>
>
--
Derek Middleton (middleto@cps.msu.edu) | I haven't lost my mind. I've
http://web.cps.msu.edu/~middleto/ | backed it up on tape somewhere..
GCS d -p+ c++++ l++ u++ e+ m++ s n+(---) h- f+ !g w- t+ r